It's been a fantastic year for silly headlines in heavy metal, and through extensive research we have found the funniest, most absurd stories of the year. Join us, will you:
Nicolas Cage Loves Darkthrone
The most absurd story of the year is without question the revelation that Nic Cage's son Weston played Darkthrone for Nic and he dug it. Kudos!
Founding CANNIBAL CORPSE Guitarist Bob Rusay Is A Golf Instructor Now
This was perhaps the most shocking of the absurd stories. Bob Rusay gave up his guitar for a golf club!
Harry Potter Is A Metalhead
We love hearing about metalheads in the mainstream and earlier this year actor Daniel Radcliffe "came out" as a metalhead. Welcome to the family.
The 15 Best SLAYER GIFs On The Internet
What more do we need to say about this?
Fifty-Three Metal Band Names You Cannot Say Over The Radio
This list is fantastic, and a great way to realize perhaps maybe you shouldn't name your band Anal Shitstorm if you actually want to get on the radio. Although, does it even matter anymore?
Penetrate A Loved One With The New GHOST Dildo & Butt Plug
Merchandising took a turn for the awesome this year as bands look for new means of revenue. Ghost may have went to the best extreme possible with these fantastic butt plugs.
Elderly Couple Charged With Harassment Over Blasting IRON MAIDEN At Neighbors Nightly
I wish my grandparents were this cool.
Frankie Palmeri Gets Electrocuted on Stage
It's not nice to laugh at other's misfortunes, but when that person tips you off and eggs you on to laugh, it's slightly less bad, right?
Kayne West Spotted Wearing Disgustingly Gaudy "Heavy Metal" Sweatpants
The genius has probably the worst fashion sense in the world, and wore this gaudy get up not too long ago.
Pentagram Bikini: For Girls Who Want "Satanic Tan Lines"
I'm not exactly sure what kind of girl would want a pentagram tan line, but if you find her, she is definitely a keeper.
SLAYER's "Angel Of Death" Slowed Down 800% Is What Being In Hell Would Sound Like
Usually these gimmicks don't really work on me but this is the most evil thing I've ever heard.
CNN's Anderson Cooper Goes Heavy Metal!
Like we said above, we love when mainstream celebrities out themselves as metalheads, and Anderson Cooper found out that unsigned band Cryptic Murmurs wrote a song about him, and he was all about it!
Jesus Spotted At Bloodstock Festival
I enjoy very much when metal heads decide to take a little initiative and dress up, and of course spotted Jesus while wearing a Cradle of Filth shirt leads to the LOLs.
Manowar singer Eric Adams Worked The Deli Counter
We love learning about rock stars before they were stars, and Eric Adams was just dealin' some salami in upstate New York until Manowar broke.
Thor Is A Metalhead!
I'm seeing a pattern here… Chris Hemsworth loves him some Metallica and Pantera, and who doesn't?
Fleshgod are Italian so naturally they have to make pasta!
Did we miss a silly story? I don't think so. We'll be back with more fun retrospectives throughout the week.