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I Can't Believe This CHRIS HOLMES Reality Show Is… Uhh… Real

The former WASP guitarist is really putting himself out there.

The former WASP guitarist is really putting himself out there.

Chris Holmes is a beacon of hope and sensitivity. You may remember Holmes blamed black culture on ruining heavy metal, which is why he sold his piece-of-shit car and moved to France. In the process, he created the best/worst music video of 2015, "Born Work Die," actually two if you also count the equally amazing "Let It Roar." Seriously, it's a masterpiece.

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Now that Holmes is out in France, and I'm guessing he needs some money, somebody thought it would be a good idea to film a pilot for a reality show about him and his French wife, Catherine, and call it Holmes Sweet Holmes. The trailer is… something. It looks terrible, but I'm not sure if it's the good kind of terrible that reality TV hopes for, or just bad-terrible:

An extended teaser, which features Holmes and his wife traveling to various parts of France, with Holmes somehow comparing him being pushed out of WASP to ISIS invading Iraq. This clip would suggest that this is bad terrible:

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A poorly-worded press release explains their reasons for doing the show:

The idea is not a simple reality show, as they are very private persons and that is not enough reason to accept to share this privacy with others. But from an angle of really sharing hope, Chris and Catherine welcome the public into their lives. Their work started 4 years ago after a silence of Chris Holmes for 15 years.

They are private people, so they don't want to do a simple reality show but still welcome the public into their lives "from an angle of sharing hope." What?!

The rest of the press release is equally incoherent:

“They started together 4 years ago rebuilding a dream, which is not really easy with no money and no support. But they show how to believe in their dream with whatever the problems are on the road and most importantly : “no matter what, never ever give up ! Only faith in what they do and the support of the fans and a few friends make every day a new day closer to their dream.

“Following them on the road is truthful and real. Chris is having the reputation of a rockstar who is very down-to-earth with a funny character. This leads often to great moments showing the complicity between the couple, the chemistry between the rockstar and his musicians and his fans and every person they meet on their path …

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“The only goal of this reality show is to bring hope to all and the power of love without any mask, whatever the meaning some will give to this word. And at the end of the day, hear from those who follow Holmes Sweet Holmes :

“‘ IF THEY CAN DO IT , WE CAN DO IT ‘.

“Knowing that they can make a difference is priceless. Some parts of the episodes shared in the media and the positive interest of his fans show exactly the special chemistry that Chris Holmes created between himself and his fans.

“Holmes Sweet Holmes is just what we call Life, Love and Laughs. Holmes Sweet Holmes is not only following their lives but is also inviting the public to participate with their lives as a part of the reality show.”

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They're putting a lot of faith in the hope they hope to send people. It's clear from the presentation and the press release that they just know a guy with a camera and some editing experience, who threw together these reels in the hopes of getting picked up for a show. But the problem is… there is no show here. Even reality shows need a purpose, an end-goal, some sort of narrative to keep it entertaining.

The only narrative here is watching Holmes eating ice cream.

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