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Shocking Revelations

MASTODON Guitarist Introduced Himself To Lars Ulrich With His Dick

The headline is 100-percent accurate.

The headline is 100-percent accurate.

Usually when you meet someone new, you tell them your name or make some comment on what's going on around you at that moment. Unless you're Mastodon's Bill Kelliher introducing yourself to Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich. Then you just waltz right up to the guy and put your dick in his pocket.

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Mastodon bassist Troy Sanders recounted the tale to Artistdirect.

“It was a European festival. All I can remember is we were so excited our guitar player Bill [Kelliher] walked over to Lars Ulrich, whipped his dick out and put in Lars‘s pocket [Laughs]. I can’t believe we’ve done so many tours with them since. In the following years, we played Wembley Stadium in London in front of a hundred thousand people with them. I just remember being so happy.

Metallica is a giant reason why I picked up the bass and why I’m where I’m at today. Now, we’re supporting them in front of a hundred thousand people at Wembley Stadium. That was magnificent. This summer we get to play another string of dates with them. It’s justMastodon and Metallica across Russia for a couple of shows. If you flashback and told 13-year-old Troy this information, my head would’ve exploded.”

The best part about this story is how Sanders doesn't even stop to editorialize or anything like that. He just throws it out there that Kelliher managed to strategically put his dick in Ulrich's pocket as if this is a normal thing that happens everyday and everyone should totally be used to it by now. Now I know when you first saw this headline, you assumed it was Brent, you know the dude who got kicked out of the Grammys because his weed fell out, but we were both wrong on that one!

We suggest trying this at work.

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