Metal's Chuck Norris and almost every wrinkling metallic punkster's favorite metal meme has done it again.
Just until recently, Glenn Danzig (of ex-The Misfits fame) apparently had an account on Yelp.com; it has since been closed, but luckily for us, Vince Neilstein over at MetalSucks took a screenshot of the profile while it was still up (which can be seen above).
You know you have achieved kvlt status as a rockstar when you start being immortalized on the Internet. Of course, this often comes in the form of jokes, but who cares? You're famous, man.
Yelp.com is a social networking-cum-search-engine-cum-user-reviews website, and while "Glenn Danzig" was still on it, he gave every restaurant he apparently visited 5 out of 5 stars together with hilarious reviews.
According to his fake profile, Glenn “The Zen Master” D resides in Austin, Texas, and 16 / 20 reviews he posted were about native restaurants. However, a review of The Waffle in Hollywood posted earlier this week on Monday indicated that he was at NAMM. Although he didn't seem that flattering in this particular review (credits to MetalSucks for this quote):
You call that a fucking fruit cup? There should be rules as to what fucking goes in and doesn’t go in a fucking fruit cup.
I asked 3 times for some asshole to spray whipped cream directly into my mouth, and the only answer I got was “I’m the valet guy, I don’t work in the kitchen”. What kind of fucking attitude is that?
Check it out “Waffle”. If Danzig wants whipped cream ejaculating directly in his mouth at a fancy fucking Waffle place, then Danzig gets WHAT HE FUCKING WANTS.
Try the red velvet waffle. Fan-Fucking-Tastic.
Whoever the imposter was though, he made this imaginary Glenn generous in giving out the stars, as the rating for The Waffle was 5 out of 5 stars as well.
According to MetalInsider, other quote-worthy lines by this latest Internet incarnation of Glenn Danzig include “I hate hipsters and vegetables” and “I bring my own bacon. One time I slaughtered a pig in the parking lot.”
Y'know, before we all know it, metalheads will start joking about how Glenn Danzig fathered himself, how zombies turn into Glenn Danzig when they bite him, or when he does push-ups, he doesn't push himself off the ground — he pushes the Earth down.