MACHINE HEAD's Robb Flynn Says He Was Just Trolling CHILDREN OF BODOM; Calls Out Metal Injection Commenters
We were all fooled!
Last week, Machine Head frontman Robb Flynn posted a not-so-friendly message to Children of Bodom and their fans about how they reacted about the tour cancellation.
Here's a little sampling:
[M]ost people usually need the motivation to act like fools and Alexi’s little bitch-ass response certainly got the "Hate Crew" fired up.
Hate Crew?… pffffft!… more like “Alexi-ain’t-that-Great-Crew!”, more like, “bought-a-ticket-too-Late-Crew!”, more like, “It’s-not-my-fault-you’re-a-virgin-and-can’t-get-a-Date-Crew”!!
Funny? Sure. But at the time I wrote that perhaps this isn't the best idea for Flynn to do because he will probably burn some bridges here.
Well, Flynn clearly got a lot of feedback over the posting because he just posted a new, pretty long, blog explaining that it was all a joke apparently. For the sake of clarity, I will post the entire thing:
The internet is ablaze…
Thank fuck for Aaron Lewis screwing up the National Anthem or it’d still be going nuts on me!
12 hours after posting my last General Journal my friend texted telling me about the absolute across-the-board positive response my last Journal had gotten from the Head Cases on FB, and if I’d seen it? I said “no”, as I rarely read responses.
Around 11PM that night I went and read through the 400+ FB comments, tons of TGJ emails, and texts from friends about what an amazing read it was for them.
It was fucking heart-warming, I’m not gonna say I cried, but I was quite emotional about how positive it was. People just BLEEDING Machine Head. It was amazing to see the reaction to this Journal, 95% of which was about the absolute chasm between Facebook “likes” and actual fans, and riding shotgun with the Head Cases.
Read it here: https://www.facebook.com/MachineHead/posts/10152511666718823
And then Blabbermouth got a hold of it…
And of course, they didn’t include the rest of the Journal, so it just looked like some random “attack” on COB and their fans. Next thing I know I’m getting a shit ton of concerned managers calling, label folks emailing, and the typical troll responses I get whenever something I say gets twisted controversially.
“Trend-hopping, band-wagon-jumping, queer, jealous, generic, tough guy, Burning-Red-this-Supercharger-that, only-one-good-album, jumpdafuckup, douchebag, douchebag, douchebag, ultimate poser, kry baby Robo”.
The ultimate troll picture and video gets posted hundreds of times http://rudeawakemetal.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/picture-1.png
And then… some people just went fucking crazy… I mean, C-R-A-Z-Y! Jeez Louise???!!!
Top Blabbermouth commenter Joseph Fischer wrote:
“ugghh omg…trying so hard to be clever “alexi not so great crew” HAR HAR HAR good one you slobbering idiot doofus. And picking on fans being a vigin, or whatever….tacky retardation. Rob, your an insecure washed up hack , taking it out on alexi (who the goddesses flock to), because you hate how you look. Tacky tacky tacky motherfucker. Machinehead is bland as fuck, I’m surprised they are as popular as they are. Eat shit Flynn. You hate deep purple right? Your band name is very original lol Rob Flynn-are you smoking meth? Your bro metal really is fucking lame.”
Metal Injection commenter Dirty Old Bastard Cole said:
“Don’t lie all these people around here that you are some big, bad motherfucker, because you’re not. First of all – you aren’t fucking anyone, nor you ever have fucked anyone or anything, especially not my mom, because she’s like dead for decades, more or less. And even if she’s not dead, she would never ever go to bad with such a lame excuse of a human being. So, to conclude my reply: go fuck yourself with a stick covered with feces, you ignorant, virgin, cockless asshole.”
Jasonic M over at MetalSucks wrote:
“His attitude is so jock/steroid/fake macho bullshit, his vocals suck, his lyrics suck and MH fits more in line with FFDP/Slipknot/Hell Yeah/Limp Bizkit/mall pop teen metal crowd more than any straight heavy metal/thrash/speed band. Since TOOL is already taken, maybe he should rename his band MaShit Head!! Seems more fitting. He should put out a MH anthology called “you can’t polish a turd”….shit’s always going to be shit”
Laughed my ass off at that one! MaShit Head!
Da Homie wrote:
“Both these niggaz is gay AF anyway nawmean, i mean this one pussy ass bitch is talkin shit N spect not 2 get shit 4 it. Dumbazz bitch, then the other lil pussy ass blonde girl nigga be playin it cool N shit, fuck yo passive ass “hate lite” BS mah nigga you fake as fuck”
“If you studied music in the slightest you would understand that MH really is not that great at all. He is also not a good front-man, let alone one of the best. All he does is curse every other word, and it gets old very quickly. His lyrics are abysmal and his voice is even worse. He cannot sing live for shit, he can hardly play his guitar live, and when he does it sounds like it is being played through a chainsaw. They are such a sloppy band it is embarrassing. If you want a better album than Burning Red, go record yourself eating your own shit. That would definitely be a better album.”
Back over at Metalsucks, El Fucko wrote: “…says a guy who bragged about pissing in adult diapers?!”
Man, I LOVED that one!!
Even industry folks chimed in on the completely out-of-context Headline-Bait, with our ex-publisist Maria Ferraro commenting “stick to singing”, and my former guitar tech (and brother of Slayer singer John Araya) posting up (again) the ultimate troll picture.
At least someone on the internet was able to conjure the funny.
One person at MetalSucks calling themselves M Shadows wrote:
“Rob you should make a cover album. Look how much money I made from it!”
“I lost my shit at that “can’t-get-a-date-crew” line.”
And over on Twitter someone wrote, “Oh no, a teenaged girl has hacked Robb Flynn’s account and posted inane ramblings”.
Now THAT was fucking funny!!
Credit MetalSucks for at least seeing the HUMOR in it. That’s right, the fucking HUMOR in it. Something completely lost in the link-bait headlines. This wasn’t some “attack”. JEEZ… lighten up!! “Can’t-Get-A-Date-Crew”!!?? I was laughing my ass off writing that down. That shit was COMEDY GOLD!!
It’s hilarious that when the trolls get trolled how butt-hurt they get, WOOT WOOT!!
That’s the Link-Bait world we live in nowadays. Take a completely out-of-context statement, add a super-inflammatory headline, leave out info, and then, take a really bad screen shot from YouTube, and VOILA! LINK-BAIT!!
It’s called being able to laugh at yourself. And believe me, when my old, creaky, overweight, hungover, un-showered-for-5-days, wrinkly ass wakes up everyone morning and creaks over to the bathroom, the first thing I do NOT think is “oh yeah, Rock God”.
And yes, I LAUGH every time that “From This Day” picture is put up too!! What the fuck was I thinking 15 years ago dressing up like a BOX OF ORANGE JUICE with liberty spikes!? And why the fuck did we let Roadrunner talk us into to hiring the Master P. video director again…!?
So flame away trolls…
…MADE YA LOOK! *wink*”
First off, it's nice to see Robb Flynn reads our site. And turns out he doesn't just read articles about Machine Head. If you're reading this, Hi Robb! It's Rob! Hope you enjoy your visit!
Secondly, Robb Flynn wasn't born yesterday. He didn't just get a computer, he clearly understands how it works. When he was writing that previous entry, he had to know that the part where he blasted Alexi would be the part that every site would pick up on because that was the most newsworthy section of his blog post. The rest was tangential hype for the new album.
I do not think we took his quote out of context. It was literally exactly what he said and nothing more, nothing less. We didn't put words into his mouth. Joking or not, those are some insults that are wielded and naturally people on the internet have strong reactions to these sort of remarks. Also, how are we to detect any traces of sarcasm when it's just text on a paper? Which is all to say that Robb, when you troll, people will react that way you assume they would if you were sincere. And again, if you're trolling, you can't complain about people trolling back at you posting your less-than-flattering nü metal era photos. I admire Flynn for laughing it off and admitting it was a mistake.
If nothing else, at least you got a ton of Free Publicity out of it.