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Insane Clown Posse Admit To Being Evangelical Christians, Don't Want To Know How Fucking Magnets Work

Posted on October 12, 2010

In what shouldn't be a shocker to anybody who has seen the awfully hilarious "Miracles" video, Insane Clown Posse have outed themselves recently as full on evangelical Christians. Of course they are! I mean, they weren't just rapping about murdering and raping sluts, they were rapping about it in the name of God. But, really, that's not even the most absurd part of this Guardian article. The most absurd part is how incredibly ignorant they are and refuse to take in any information (like any good religious zealot). Here are some choice quotes:

On people's reaction to the Miracles video:
Voilent J: "I figured most people would say, 'Wow, I didn't know Insane Clown Posse could be deep like that.' But instead it's, 'ICP said a giraffe is a miracle. Ha ha ha! What a bunch of idiots.'" He pauses, then adds defiantly, "A giraffe is a fucking miracle. It has a dinosaur-like neck. It's yellow. Yeah, technically an elephant is not a miracle. Technically. They've been here for hundreds of years…"

"Thousands," murmurs Shaggy.

"Have you ever stood next to an elephant, my friend?" asks Violent J. "A fucking elephant is a miracle. If people can't see a fucking miracle in a fucking elephant, then life must suck for them, because an elephant is a fucking miracle. So is a giraffe."

On fucking magnets:
"Nobody does, man!" he replies, relieved. "Magnetic force, man. What else is similar to that on this Earth? Nothing! Magnetic force is fascinating to us. It's right there, in your fucking face. You can feel them pulling. You can't see it. You can't smell it. You can't touch it. But there's a fucking force there. That's cool!"

Shaggy says the idea for the lyrics came when one of the ICP road crew brought some magnets into the recording studio one day and they spent ages playing with them in wonderment.

"Gravity's cool," Violent J says, "but not as cool as magnets."

On science…
"Well," Violent J says, "science is… we don't really… that's like…" He pauses. Then he waves his hands as if to say, "OK, an analogy": "If you're trying to fuck a girl, but her mom's home, fuck her mom! You understand? You want to fuck the girl, but her mom's home? Fuck the mom. See?"

I look blankly at him. "You mean…"

"Now, you don't really feel that way," Violent J says. "You don't really hate her mom. But for this moment when you're trying to fuck this girl, fuck her! And that's what we mean when we say fuck scientists. Sometimes they kill all the cool mysteries away. When I was a kid, they couldn't tell you how pyramids were made…"

The idiocy is incredible. To end things on a high note, here is a song they call 'Thy Unveiling' which they see as their 'coming out' song, where they fully admit they're into God and shit. This really explains a lot..

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No word yet if the band will be teaming with the Westboro Baptist Church on any magnet hating cross-promo.

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