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ASK ME I'M RIGHT – Greg Weeks' Advice Column Returns After Diva-Like Hiatus

ASK ME I'M RIGHT – Greg Weeks' Advice Column Returns After Diva-Like Hiatus

When Greg Weeks isn't harassing booth babes at NAMM, or owning the low end with his band, The Red Chord (currently on tour), the dude takes some time to answer some of life's important questions, yours! After a long hiatus, it's back! Whether its music, girls of life in general, Greg is always right. Submit your inquiries to [email protected] and Greg will solve all your problems.

Sometimes when my dad drinks he likes to hit my mom. I don't know why he does it but she doesn't like it and I don't either! I can't do anything about it because he is big man, strong like lumber jack, beefy like ox, muscular like race horse. PLZ HALP ME!

– Thomas Conner

You do one of two things here, call the cops or become stronger than a lumber jack, beefier than an ox and more muscular than a race horse. Another option is to get a Mom that doesn't nag your Dad to the point of swinging.


I have multiple questions
1. What is the approximate street value of your beard clippings? I've heard that it makes you grow 6 inches in height, gives you the ability to breath fire, is a cure for every STD, and has potent effects as an aphrodisiac.
2. Why don't you come to Southern California more? I know the majority of the scene sucks, but at least we don't say hella. Please play in Compton at some point too
3. The scene around me sucks, its all bros with their cheesy breakdown every 30 seconds bullshit. Any advice on trying to find people who like music past open note chugs?
4. In certain mental states(cough cough) I particularly enjoy music by artists like the Wu-Tang Clan, Dr. Dre, Deadmau5, and Radiohead. Should I be disconcerned.
5. Whats the most ridiculous injury you've seen in a pit. (Mine was a dudes kneecap getting moved to outside of his knee)
6. Who do you think is the best bassist in the metal scene right now?
7. Can you give me a fucking manly nickname, i get all mine from being stupid under the influence


Are you serious with this laundry list of questions? I'm a rock star with limited time to write this stupid advice column as it is and you hit me with this? Here we go,
1. I once sold my beard in Philly at our merch table for 5 bucks. It has all the abilities you have described and also makes you a wittier individual. You should buy some.
2. We play Southern California constantly. The real question is why don't you come out? You set up the Compton show and we'll play it.
3. Ask the kids that don't have plugs in their ears or throat tattoos. You might be on the right track then.
4. If you mean having a doctor check you for a hernia, cough cough, (ladies, have a guy explain this one to you) then yes, I'd be worried.
5. Dude losing an eye in Arizona.
6. Dan Briggs. He's the best bass player in any genre, and the most handsome.
7. Alex, the long winded manly under the influence irritating question asker.


'Ello govna',

To make a long story very short:
I worked (3rd shift; 10pm-7am) for a company that is both bat-shit insane and amazing time consuming-
*Rhythms with "Ball-Shart".*


I quit to play a ton of shows and a small tour we have booked with some other bands…

Did I just fuck up?-

Sooky sooky n'aow,

Your salutation and sign off confuses me. Kids today. Our sound guy just lost his job from a shitty record store to do the tour we are currently on. Did he make the right decision? Probably not but he's doing what he wants. You'll find a way to survive 'Govna'.

Hola Greg,

So my question isn't as deep or as meaningful as some of these other ones but I really cannot find the answer to it! Any ways I'll quite blabbering and ask the damn question: I put in Unearth for the channel genre on Pandora and this band called either Mean, The Means, or Means came up a few times and they fucking ripped. Ive searched high and low and can't find a lick about them or any of their music. If you could point me in the right direction I would be forever in debt!!! Thanks man


Dear weird internet lingo name that I refuse to type,
There is a Canadian band of a similar name but they are not in the same genre as Funearth. I hope in your journey you find many great bands in and out of the genre. Go forth and good luck to you,

i just want you to know….
TRC is my fuckin favorite band ever you guys are my heros.I make love to your music.I want to ask you a personal question rather than something about music or life and shit. Q:Have you ever seen Guy Kozowyk beat the piss out of anyone?
if so, how awesome was it

thank you, keep it up


I have never witnessed it with my own eyes but there is rumor that Guy K. becomes Captain Guy under the cloak of night. He's a crime fighter, a super hero if you will. I'm sure under extreme conditions his nocturnal counterpart has had to "take care of business". I'm not sure if this is true or just a tale but I can tell you that one day I found a red cape in the van with a big K on the back. Coincidence?

P.S.- I just want to remind you that it actually takes two people to "make love". You're not fooling anybody Ken.

Need help with your life but not sure where to turn? Ask Greg by emailing [email protected]. Hey, why not him right?

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