Hey, it’s me G. Dubs, low end of the prog rock tri the Red Chord. You asked advice/stupid questions about my band and I gave it/answered them. Here’s some advice, go get Prey for Eyes in stores now. Yeah!
Dear Greg,
I worship the ground you walk on. Seeing you on stage manhandling that big, thick bass of yours gets me sooooo wet. I can't wait to see you at your next show so we can "get to know eachother". Anyway, here's my question. All the girls I know have got their periods already but I haven't gotten mine. Is there something wrong with me? Am I a freak? When do girls normally get their periods? I just want to be like all the other girls.
– Love Josh
Greg's response:
Dear Josh,
The answer is yes, you are a freak. Good luck buddy,
-Greg
Greg… I LOVE YOU!
here is my question…
How does such a titan of a man have time to maintain such an epic beard? Do you hit it with a mystical shampoo made from a combination of unicorn tears and the blood of angels? and, How does it make you feel being that you are one of the few that are easily recognized for his facial hair status, not only TRC fame?
much love,
Ray Chaos
Full Blown Chaos
Greg's response:
Amazing! Although there are no unicorn tears needed you do need a cup of angel blood. Step one to a great beard is to wake up screaming. Step two is throw a cup of angels blood on your neighbors front porch. Step three is to go back to your house and blare any of the great Full Blown Chaos records at full blast. After this one will see a faster growing thicker face coat. Much thanks Ray,
-Greg
PS- Go get FULL BLOWN CHOAS's new record "Heavy Lies The Crown" out Aug 21st sucka!
I hacked my friends page and said he is a fag do you think he hates me now?
Greg's response:
Huh. If it were me I'd be mad that you have no creativity when it comes to insults. Fag? If that's all you have to offer pal I'm sure he didn't mind too much.
Dearest Gregory,
Hey, did you guys find a new guitarist? if so. when will you tell the general public? And also, my mom kicked me out of the house because i got high and ate all the meat in the house. literally. all of it. you need to come up here and teach the wench a lesson! that massive meat intake put some hair on my chest too.
congratulations on beating testicular cancer!
-keenan
(can you slap? like. vic wooten. slap bass?)
Greg's response:
Yikes. We did find a replacement for Jonny Fay and his name is Keller. He is a 16 year old prodigy from Cali. He's not allowed to say Hella when he is in Mass. If you ate all of the delicious steaks and burgs at my place I'd kick you out too. Your Mom and I have a lot in common you little hairy chested meat eatin' punk. Thanks for the congrats although I never knew I had testicular caner let alone that I had beaten it. Good for me,
-Greg
hey man, huge fan–anyway i have this girlfriend i've been dating for a good while now, and all of a sudden some fuckin' jerk-offs are moving in on my kill, getting her number from other friends and creepin' on her like they don't know i exist. i guess they're sayin' some ridiculous shit but that woman of mine is too afraid to tell me what they say. i told her it didn't matter because i'm going to destroy them anyway. what should i do about these hyenas? – Dr. Henry Longshanks
Greg's response:
Dr. Longshanks,
First off I'd like to point out what a lucky girl, I mean kill, you have. You sound like a real Prince Charming so I'm sure you can rescue her from any situation including destroying these jerk-off hyenas. If she likes you then there's nothing to worry about. Calm down and take her out to a flick and some ice cream and don't make her pay.
-Greg
Dear Greg,
I'm madly in love with my friend, Greg. He's a super amazing dude with a gross beard, and is bassist for an awesome band, The Red Chord. He's marrying one of my other best friends. Do you think I should flee to Canada to avoid the heartache? Or return to Boston to convince the two of them to marry me also in an elaborate polygamist ceremony? Wait… I've already fled to Canada. Anyhoo, please advice.
xoxo Kage the Rage
Greg's advice:
This Greg guy sounds handsome. Like any male I'd give you this advice. Go to Boston and try to convince his future wife to let him marry a ton of hot chicks as well as her. That about covers it,
-Greg
Do you need advice and just don't know where to turn? Greg Weeks is there for you. Send your questions to [email protected]
