by: Paul Ablaze
Every week, BLACKGUARD frontman, a veteran road warrior, Paul Ablaze will check in with some facts of touring. These are indisputable nuggets of truth which were learned on the road. This week's Facts of Touring is brought to you with help from Carl Begai of Bravewords.com, Detroit, Alice Cooper, eagles , Minnesota cops and more…
FACT: Buying a V.I.P. pass to an Epica show sometimes includes a free Blackguard sound check. (courtesy of Jo, our keyboardist)
FACT: First impression of Detroit: Iraq!
FACT: No moshing at our show is known as the Blackguard Wall Of Passive Aggression (courtesy of Carl Begai of BBravewords.com)
FACT: Outside the Logan Square Auditorium in Chicago there is a monument of an eagle which greatly resembles a Manowar t-shirt design. I hate being forced to think about Manowar against my will.
FACT: There is almost nothing more awkward than hearing someone struggle in the bathroom stall while you’re trying to pee. Heavy breathing, grunting , cries of pain… God bless fiber.
FACT: I’m still amazed how much nothing there is in North Dakota
FACT: I learned from the movie Wayne's World via Alice Cooper that the word Milwaukee translated to English means “the good land." I strongly disagree! Sorry, the crowds are amazing but…yea.
FACT: On the floor of The Rave in Milwaukee it is written: "Our motto: 'If I can’t speak well of an eagle , I won’t speak ill of him'" I can’t say I’ve ever met an eagle, so I can’t imaging smack talking one behind his back. They always look pissed anyway. Does this mean eagle dissing was such a problem that they had to make this a rule?
FACT: Cops in St. Paul, Minnesota are quite fawn of roughing up drunk public urinators. Ask John from Threat Signal.
Follow Up FACT: ALWAYS look both ways before peeing in the street!
Paul Ablaze vs. Admiral No Beard (Swashbuckle)
The text message saga continues…
Paul Ablaze: Jo (keyboards) says hi by the way
Admirial No Beard: Tell her I say hi
P.A: So I was talking to an overweight bearded hobo hanging out on the side of The Rave in Milwaukee the other day , and before I realized that it wasn’t you I had already given him $10. You owe me $10
A.N.B: Get raped
P.A : Big words coming from someone who impersonates hobos
A.N.B : I’m trying to sleep you fucking frog, go back to the pond and hang out with Terry (guitar) some more, you amphibious sack of swill.
P.A: Just like your hobo counterpart, always trying to sleep.
A.N.B: Question : how are you going to sequence headbang after I snap your neck and make you the next Christopher Reeves? Riddle me that Kermit.
P.A : Let’s see you get out of bed first. Ok, killer?
