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Decibel's Clips of the Month

Decibel Clips of the Month April 2015: Lord Dying, Convulse, Coliseum & Classic Clip from Celtic Frost

Every month, Decibel scribe Shane Mehling reviews the four videos that appear in the monthly metal mag. under “Decibel’s Clips of the Month at Metal Injection.” This month, watch picks from Lord Dying, Convulse, Coliseum & a classic clip from Celtic Frost

Lord Dying – “Poisoned Altars”

Metal guys can be wicked shredders, ear-impaling demons and machines of hyperblasted intensity, but they’re rarely really super funny. That’s why it’s been a long, long time since a funny metal video has actually justified itself. But I must admit I enjoyed this clip of killer yuppies and the crusty metal dudes hell-bent on destroying their kind. It’s a great, gruesome ode to Troma, there’s a Joe Preston cameo in a strip club for no reason, and it has an absolutely ridiculous ending. Good job, pretty funny Portland metal guys.

Convulse – “Pangaea”

I am totally baffled by one simple aspect of this video, and I must direct your attention to how the vocalist is, uh, vocalizing. I’m not a smart man, but I know what death growls are, and that you don’t do them with your mouth wide open. I even checked some of Convulse’s live videos to make sure he wasn’t the only one in the world who growls the exact opposite of every man, woman and animal on this planet. I have seen some pretty egregious lip-synching in videos before, but here’s someone literally yelling at you to notice his mouth is moving with all the authenticity of Rowlf the Dog.

Coliseum – “We Are the Water”

I get that you can’t always choose the season you want to film your video, but when it’s freezing, can you please just move inside? I know that warehouse is where the billowing curtains billow the best, and seeing your breath is probably a neat effect—it’s like free CGI—but videos take forever to film. Sure, I feel bad for the band, but at least they get to go on tour and brag about their polar bear bona fides. What about the key grip? The guy risked frostbite, and he’s probably not even getting union wages.

CLASSIC CLIP: Celtic Frost – “Circle of the Tyrants”

How are we already running out of classic clips? I already reviewed this a year ago. Isn’t there something from Cold Lake I can watch? Anyway, here’s what I said the first time: I’m no theologian, but after you watch this video, you’ll likely bathe in the eternal flames of damnation. Celtic Frost don’t even have to do much to be evil as shit; they just play live for a bevy of denim-clad stage-divers, and by the end all you want to do is steer a nine-headed serpent into a monastery. This came out in 1985, and I’m sure at least of few of you out there have tales of your mothers stumbling on you in front of the TV and shitting their stretch-stirrup pants. This is a video so sinister it makes the bass player’s white frilly shirt and dress pants… okay, that get-up’s still crazy lame, but everything else rules.

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