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70,000 Tons of Metal

Noa's Poolside Fantasies For Next Week's 70,0000 Tons Of Metal Cruise

In less than a week's time, I'll be aboard the most metal vessel to ever navigate the seas. I am so excited for the 70,000 Tons of Metal cruise that I already have my bathing suit on. If you followed our coverage from last year you already have an idea of how much fun we had and how smashed we got. This year, the line up promises equal or better debauchery. So as I sit here and wait for January 23rd to come I will share the poolside fantasies that bubble in my brain.

Chris Baker of Atheist wearing hand cut Jordache jeans he's had from 1988 with a washed out shrunken metal t-shirt of a band I've never heard of.

Children of Bodom's Alexi Laiho in nothing but a pair of trunks with a grim reaper on them and a beanie even though it's 80 degrees out.

The dudes from Grave Digger playing Magic cards in speedos and denim vests.

Glazed eyed Kirk Windstein of Crowbar panning over to Grave Digger befuddled, questioning whether taking this gig was the best decision.

Oliver Palotai of Kamelot sucking faces with Epica's Simone Simons while everyone stares at him green with envy. Yes, even the women! Simone is hot!

Cannibal Corpse's Corpsegrinder floating in the pool with two chicks lounging on his neck like it's a hammock.

Suffocation bassist Derek Boyer's hair looking perfect as ever despite the 30 mph winds. Seriously, his hair is aways impeccable.

Dark Funeral melting in the sun.

God Dethroned huddled together, embracing one another over what is said to be one of their final performances. Now getting really close, oh are they making out? Yes they are because this is my fantasy.

Kobi and Yossi from Orphaned Land dangling falafel balls into my mouth like roman servants gently feeding their masters grapes off a vine.

Moonsorrow and Amorphis playing sword fight with the knight outfits they bought from the gift shop

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So as my mind dwindles in the direction of more ludicrous thoughts I want to remind you that there are still some single tickets available. If you can't make it to cruise, stay tuned to Metal Injection as we will be live-blogging the whole experience all next week, with text, photos and (if the connection is fast enough) video.

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