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The Onion's Scientists Have Discovered The Slowest, Heaviest Riff Ever

The Onion is real news.

The Onion is real news.

The Onion, which is a very real and very credible news source who absolutely doesn't write parodies at all ever, has discovered the slowest riffs that has ever been written. The scientists claim that the riff, written by Iron Mortis for the song "Blood Monolith," is heavier than anything Candlemass, Sunn O))), and Witch Mountain have ever written.

You can hear the riff below, but don't say we didn't warn you when you head completely explodes.

[via The PRP]

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