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DAVID LEE ROTH Is Very Sure SAMMY HAGAR Was "Sex Probed" By Aliens

Alrighty then.

DLR Aliens

David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar clearly don't have the best relationship out there, but things have taken a turn for the extremely strange. In a brand new video from Roth dubbed The Ballad Of Popsicle Sam, Roth accused Hagar of being "sex probed" by aliens and that's why he's spewing "diarrhea vitriol in our direction." And when I say accusations, I mean a lot of accusations – Roth is convinced Hagar has been in an alien spacecraft with some unusual things inside him.

"According to Sam, he was abducted by aliens," said Roth. "I know [that] when you're abducted by aliens, you get sex probed. I am compelled to solicit this sordid subject in an effort to explain Sam Hagar's conduct. For the last 10 summers, I haven't said a single syllable about him. Not one. I defy you. And in the face of a constant fart gas aimed in our direction here at the Mojo Dojo Diamond Dave Laboratories. And I think we've arrived at both the technical and the medical answer that may explain some of Sammy Hagar's conduct and his constant spew of diarrhea vitriol in our direction. Sammy Hagar was abducted by aliens and he was sex probed. Sex probed."

He continued: "Does it require apparatus? Is it a beam? We don't know. We may never know. But what I do know with absolute accuracy is that if you take a half of a popsicle and you jam it into a cassette tape player, no matter how carefully you extract it, that tape player will never play the same again, no matter how carefully you try and fix those delicate little parts. And it'll get worse and it'll seem like the singer that you used to [be] will stop making sense whatsoever. A lot like Sam."

I guess someone should ask Sammy Hagar when they see him on tour later this year. Not David Lee Roth though, he's not invited.

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