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Metal Crimes

A High Elf Attacked A Woman In Traffic Because He Needed To Battle MORGOTH

Dude thought he was fighting Morgoth. The dude, not the band… probably.

Dude thought he was fighting Morgoth. The dude, not the band... probably.

Metal and Lord of the Rings go together a lot better than you'd think. Off the top of my head, the bands Morgoth and Carach Angren come to mind as ones named after Lord of the Rings lore. Role playing has also been a relatively large portion of metal, at least in fun, geeky-ish music videos… which is why I thought the news report of some dude dressed as a high elf attacking a woman in traffic is a whole different level of funny.

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Keep in mind this is not satire, was reported in the NY Daily News, and totally happened in Portland, OR… which makes sense.

A woman called 911 after a man sporting chain mail, a battle helmet, shield, sword and staff ran into a Portland, Ore., intersection and attacked her car.

The melee ended with the arrest of Konrad Bass, 30, after he stabbed her vehicle several times, reported KATU-TV.

The woman reported the fighting man as a pirate on May 13, but Bass challenged that title and told police he was a “high elf engaged in battle with the evil Morgoth.”

The high elf is a variety of elves featured in the Dungeons and Dragons roleplaying game and Morgoth was the first Dark Lord of Middle Earth, according to J.R.R. Tolkien’s “The Silmarillion.”

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Look, if you wanna don face paint, an elf costume, whatever, that's cool. Just don't attack people in traffic, okay?

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