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Why Do Metalhead Guys Get So Butthurt About Treating Women With Respect At Shows?

Is this really such a hard concept to grasp?!

Is this really such a hard concept to grasp?!

Last year, after an MTV blog posted a very misogynistic article, I wrote a friendly PSA that women go to shows and it's time to get over it. Flash forward about twenty months and this still seems to be a hot button issue.

To wit, Kreig's Neill Jameson wrote an excellent op-ed for Decibel today on "maybe not treating women like sperm receptacles" at shows. He hits the nail right on the head, and I highly recommend reading the entire thing. Here is my favorite excerpt:

But here’s the thing: So what if they’re there to fuck someone? What does that have to do with you? Does that give you the right to grab onto them or make them feel like shit? No. No, it fucking does not. I get that you’re jealous of who they’re going home with, but that’s their choice and has fuck-all to do with you. And if they’re going to fuck someone in a band, who cares? Men go out on tour and try to fuck, and no one calls us anything derogatory unless it’s their girlfriend or they’re jealous. This double standard has been documented to death, but it needs to be repeated ad infinitum until it sinks in: As grown adults, we all have the right to take home a willing participant in whatever fucked up weird sex we both consent to. This goes for women and men. Shaming a woman for her sexuality with the reasoning that she won’t fuck you is absolutely hypocritical, and displays your insecurity to the world like the fucking Bat Signal.

The point of the article is simple. Most women who go to shows are actually there for the music, and are just as much a part of the scene as the men. I have many female friends who I constantly see at shows, and fuck, who go to more shows than me, specifically because they love music. Of course, there is a sect of women going to these shows specifically to get laid, but so the fuck what? Why is that a reason to shame them? Because they aren't there to sleep with you?

While initially, there was nothing but positive comments coming from my feed, I decided to check back with the posts and of course, here come the men's rights activists calling the article SJW bullshit. One guy wrote this incredibly long rebuttal stating there is nothing wrong with men approaching women at metal shows for no-strings-attached sex (which is true, as long as the man shows some respect) and then ended it with this amazing backhanded concession:

To be fair, I won't hesitate to point out that over the last three or four years, there has been an increase in women who fall into the "actual fans" category. I think it's the result of "nerdy" hobbies and pursuits becoming cool in recent times. Ten or twenty years ago, playing tabletop RPGs or computer RTS/RPG games would get you shoved into a locker. Nowadays, Nerdy is in. I'm assuming that attitude has trickled down into metal. So while I can understand why women who actually do have a genuine passion for metal and some working knowledge of it would get pissed at guys assuming they don't know shit, at least recognize that there's a reason for it. Generalizations on any given topic tend to emerge for valid reasons, even if from time to time there may be an underlying reason that is not.

So the reason men like metal is because they like metal, but the reason a women likes metal is because nerdy things are cool and hip now and women want in on the fad? I can't believe this guy doesn't see how insane he sounds.

This next commenter, I am not 100% sure he's not trolling, but it's an amazing look into a misogynist's head:

Women are the most privileged group in modern western society right now. Use some common sense and stop trying to whiteknight for a scene renowned for attracting some of the worst examples of the opposite sex. Despite what misguided equalists like you might want to believe, the majority of wannabe groupies that go to metal shows dolled up to the nines with their titties hanging out (and perfectly put together patch jackets to impress all the nerdy metal boys) are perfectly aware of they're doing, and they are loving the attention despite whatever rationalizations to the contrary they may attempt to make depending on who it is they're speaking to (and most importantly whether they find them attractive in return or not). You think they'd dress that way if it wasn't to be noticed somehow? Again, common sense. Now sure, not every chick at a metal show falls into this category, but let's be honest: a lot of them do and you can spot them a mile off.

Again, this guy is saying when a woman created a perfect patch jacket, she is just doing it for attention. Well, yes that's true. But why do guys make patch jackets? THE SAME EXACT REASON. You think metal dudes would dress that way if they didn't get noticed? They want just as much attention. Also, what's wrong with a girl making a patch jacket and shoving her tits out? So the fuck what? Slut shaming is on full parade in this comment. I love the last sentence. Let's be honest, bro… you're a douche!

I will say most of the comments on the article are supportive, but metal… you need to do some work.

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