By Ben Apatoff
The title (Collisions and Castaways) and cover art (a treasure chest washed upon the shore) of Alaskans 36 CRAZYFISTS' sixth album are probably supposed to hint at excitement and adventure. Spoiler alert: there's nothing musically adventuresome about Collisions and Castaways, and if there's any treasure on this record, it's buried too deep to be worth seeking.
Despite the clean singing and watered-down metalcore riffage, I can't use a term like "accessible" to describe 36 Crazyfists, because that would indicate infectious music. Instead we get generic guitar progressions under screamed/singsong vocals that sound like fodder for BRIAN POSEHN's next parody video. Vocalist BROCK LINDOW gets worked up into screamo hysterics that go from boring to grating as the record progresses, offering middle-school poetry lyrics via bellows, whines and the occasional self-important monologue ("Anchors," featuring TWELVE TRIBES' ADAM JACKSON) "Reviver" sounds like the PAPA ROACH comeback single that nobody needed, and the heaviest moments on Collisions and Castaways ("Whitewater," "Death Renames the Light") will probably satisfy emo kids who want something a little more intense. But to any modern metal devotee, 36 Crazyfists is the kind of toothless metal-by-numbers act that you hope to miss at this year's Ozzfest. Or more likely, the Warped Tour.
Rating: 2 Jolly Rogers out of 5
