Reddit is a gold mine for some amazing content. Our good friend Dave Hill made us aware of this post in r/guitar which transcribes a 1994 Guitar World article where Yngwie Malmsteem is asked to do a blind critique of some of his contemporary guitar players of the time. It's as if Yngwie is playing Thrash It or Trash It and manages to shit on Joe Satriani, Les Claypool and Phil Anselmo all while calling Lars Ulrich a good drummer.
To make this easy, I'll embed the video and then directly under it will be Yngwie's critique…
I like the groovy intro. Sounds like a Strat. But the soloing going over the song is very bad. It’s bent out of shape and out of tune. It’s very basic bullshit pentatonic runs. The choice of notes in the solo is completely overdone. That stuff has been done for 30 years! I’m sick and tired off that bending bullshit. This is the most run-of-the-mill pentatonic playing I ever heard.
GW: That was Joe Satriani.
MALMSTEEN: You’re kidding! Was he high? He’s playing out of tune, and the most boring runs! What I’ve heard from Satriani before was really good, but this – this sounds like something someone would play in a garage. After the backwards solo, Joe does some nice stuff with out of phase pickups, which I liked. But the actual solo… I could never dream that was Joe. Out of tune, and terrible.
That’s Metallica – I love it! This is maybe the second or third time I’ve heard this song, and the first time I’ve heard the live version. My old drummer and keyboardist liked Metallica a lot, and they played this song around the time I was recording Odyssey (1988). I liked it then and I like it now.
Of all the bands that play this type of music, Metallica’s the best. James (Hetfield) sings better than all the other vocalists, and Lars (Ulrich) is a great drummer. I feel some sort of connection with them. I think the band heard some of my early demos, which sounded something like this. (Malmsteen demos first surfaced on college radio stations in Northern California, where Metallica is based) I’m not saying I influenced them, but maybe I did. Overall, the band has a great sound. But I think the lead guitar player (Kirk Hammett) is not very good. He can play fast and is pretty good at it. But his choice of notes and sense of pitch are very bad. I don’t think that he plays with musicality, or plays in tune. Rather than lifting the song, his solo seems to be the anticlimax.
I know this band – it’s Primus. The intro is cool. However, when I listen closely, I hear one thing I totally detest: I hate slap bass playing. It’s the worst technique ever. But I think Primus is very funny. I get a bit of a Frank Zappa vibe from them. But although I find them very funny, and they do intrigue me, they don’t give me a hard-on, in that the band doesn’t inspire me to do a similar thing.
On this song the guitarist plays the weirdest combination of notes; it sounds like he’s playing it that way just for the sake of doing it differently. I think Zappa intentionally made his music weird, but he did it with intelligence. Primus is not unintelligent, but I think their music is done, not to piss people off, but to make the listener react, "What the Fuck is this?" Someone like Alan Holdsworth plays the wackiest things, but he does it with panache, such taste. This is done just to do it.
I don’t know what this is, but I like the cool guitar riff. I also like the groove over the second chorus but I don’t like the buzz-saw guitars. I’d much prefer a distorted guitar that doesn’t really sound distorted if you don’t play more than two notes. As far as the singing goes, I couldn’t find enough words to describe my disgust, because it’s really not singing. It sounds like somebody is either shoving something up the vocalist’s ass, or something is coming out of his ass and his mouth at the same time. It’s a stupid excuse for someone who stands in front of a mic stand.
GW: What did you think of the guitar solo?
MALMSTEEN: A sad reason for being a guitarist in the 90s. It started off sounding like Chuck Berry. Then there was some terrible, terrible bending going on. Very un-tasteful. That was one of the worst solos I’ve heard. But the riffage at the beginning and end of the song is very good.
The most positive Yngwie gets is about Dream Theater…
I have this on CD – it’s brilliant. Dream Theater is, by far, one of the best bands to come out recently. Musically, I think they’re really clever, and the guitarist and keyboardist are very good. A great band with the right attitude. They’re musical, technical, interesting, and tasteful – one of my absolute favorite bands at the moment. I have just one reservation about them: their drummer. His choice of beats is terrible! He’s obviously listened to too much Neil Peart (Rush) over the years and needs to take a valium.
As for the song, a great intro. I actually like even the drumming there. Another thing I like about this band, and this song, is that the group likes to use a lot of keyboards – everything from synthesizers to Hammond organs. Almost like Jan Hammer, which I think is great.
The guitar solo is very interesting; it’s like a who’s who of guitar playing. It starts off reminiscent of Steve Vai’s humbucky, distorted tone. Then the guitarist plays something similar to a harmonic minor run that I would do. Then he goes into a Stevie Ray Vaughn/Hendrix thing, which is splendid. I also hear some Brad Gillis and Michael Schenker. I’m not too crazy about his tone, however. Sounds like he’s using a Floyd Rose tremolo, humbucking pickups, and the string action is below the frets. I prefer lower-output pickups, no Floyd Rose, and very high strings. Therefore I get a more acoustic-type sound. But I really cant say anything bad about the guitarist in Dream Theater, because he’s good and very ambitious. I think in a couple more years he’ll have his own identity.
The singer sounds like he’s sitting on a toilet seat, pushing a big one. I can’t stand it! It sounds like the band can’t decide which song to play. This beat changing bullshit – I don’t like it. The guitarist isn’t awful; he actually has decent vibrato. But I can’t get off on it.
GW: But isn’t this similar to what Metallica plays, which you do like?
MALMSTEEN: It is, but it isn’t as good. But I like that the bassist is playing fretless. However, the fact that he is playing out of tune isn’t so tasty. Also the production is awful; it sounds like it was recorded on a Fostex 4-track.
There are even more bands listed in the Reddit post. It's certainly worth a read. For example, when Pearl Jam is played, he quips about Eddie Vedder: " I think the singer in Pearl Jam should go eat some Pearl Jam! He cannot sing to save his life!"
Incredible. Yngwie Malmsteen. No. Fucks. Given!
