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Story Behind Metalhead's Eye Patch Remarkably Boring

Out-of-town patrons – who dreamt Slaughter lost the eye in a “badass” way, like a secret war in Central America in the 80s, an impromptu drag race through a cemetery on Halloween, or stage diving into a heavily-studded mosh pit at a Judas Priest concert – reported extreme dissatisfaction with Slaughter’s explanation.

Out-of-town patrons – who dreamt Slaughter lost the eye in a “badass” way, like a secret war in Central America in the 80s, an impromptu drag race through a cemetery on Halloween, or stage diving into a heavily-studded mosh pit at a Judas Priest concert – reported extreme dissatisfaction with Slaughter’s explanation.

We here at Metal Injection are big fans of The Hard Times, a site that masterfully and hilariously pokes holes in the punk and metal communities, and whose satirical articles make us laugh on a daily basis. To conclude our Summer partnership with Sailor Jerry Rum, we bring you a series of guest articles from The Hard Times. Read at your own risk, though, because you’re likely to see a little of yourself in each of the protagonists. Respect Norman Collins’s legacy and drink Sailor Jerry responsibly.

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NEW ORLEANS – Patrons of The Lockjaw Bar have been “totally let down” by the story behind the eyepatch on one particularly tough-looking customer’s face, according to multiple reports.

When visitors first see Jack Slaughter – a 6-foot-5-inch muscled man with a long beard, Motörhead tattoos and eyepatch – standing at the bar, they wouldn’t be surprised to learn he likes heavy metal, rides a motorcycle, or is a Navy veteran.

“I bought him a drink because I thought he lost his eye in a fight,” said one customer, who requested anonymity as Slaughter “…could definitely mess him up if he wanted to.” “Like, maybe it got knocked out by a sock full of quarters, or someone stabbed him with a broken pool cue in a big biker brawl, you hear?”

Many simply assumed Slaughter’s eyepatch is related to one of his professions as a part-time security guard and auto mechanic, or his semi-pro standing in the local backyard MMA scene. However, the man himself claimed that is not the case.

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“Oh, this? It’s just temporary,” explained the muscular metalhead. “I was clipping my nails, like I do every night, but I must’ve left a little bit hanging on the end. Then, later, I rubbed my eye and scratched my cornea real bad! Who knew? My doctor said I can take it off later this week.”

Out-of-town patrons – who dreamt Slaughter lost the eye in a “badass” way, like a secret war in Central America in the 80s, an impromptu drag race through a cemetery on Halloween, or stage diving into a heavily-studded mosh pit at a Judas Priest concert – reported extreme dissatisfaction with Slaughter’s explanation.

Those close to Slaughter say patrons may simply have asked the wrong questions. “It’s a shame people have been asking about the eye patch so much,” said a long-time friend of Slaughter. “They never ask about something he’s actually missing: his kidney. He donated that back in 2012 to save the life of his estranged half-brother. Saved his life and their relationship, it did.”

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