We here at Metal Injection are big fans of The Hard Times, a site that masterfully and hilariously pokes holes in the punk and metal communities, and whose satirical articles make us laugh on a daily basis. To conclude our Summer partnership with Sailor Jerry Rum, we bring you a series of guest articles from The Hard Times. Read at your own risk, though, because you’re likely to see a little of yourself in each of the protagonists. Respect Norman Collins’s legacy and drink Sailor Jerry responsibly.
KANSAS CITY, Mo. – Fueled by sudden inspiration after seeing a “cool” sailboat tattoo, one local punk irreversibly stained her skin earlier this week as a heartfelt homage to the time she saw a similar looking tattoo on someone else.
Baker/anarchist Katie Barzetti is known for her bold tattoo choices, but some allege her visually stunning ink lacks deeper meaning. “I mostly go with what looks cool,” admitted Barzetti during an interview in her bungalow. “Like, if I see something, and it’s cool, I’ll get it as a tattoo.”
Barzetti, now sporting a retro sailboat design on her left shoulder, explained, “This guy I knew — Mike something — he was an ex-fisherman, I think, and he had this sweet sailboat tattoo, and I took a picture and got one of my own. So, there you go. It’s a hella-cool shape, right?”
Barzetti has allegedly never visited the ocean, and only thrice a lake.
The rest of Barzetti’s skin, filled with unstoried artwork like the cover of Joy Division’s Unknown Pleasures — an album she admits she has never heard; a flaming pentagram “…because stars look cool;” and a giant letter X, “a.k.a. the coolest-looking letter;” also features the “cool as fuck” logo of a multi-billion-dollar international coffee chain adorning a more discreet part of her body, despite her dislike for globalized capitalism.
“I know people have said mean things about (my way of life), but I like living this way,” she said. “To be honest, I am sick of people judging me. How can you say my tattoos are inauthentic or meaningless if everything is inherently meaningless outside of the meaning we attach to it? Read some fucking Kierkegaard or something. I had some extra money I didn’t know what to do with, so tattoos seemed like a good investment.”
At press time, Barzetti was casually glancing through a book of Russian prison tattoos, hoping to divine inspiration for her next piece of original body art.
