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LORDS are the True Bruiser Kings

by: Sean Gresens

LORDS are the True Bruiser Kings

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I'm going to try something different with this one. Instead of just a general blanket statement about the band as a whole, I would like to focus first on this band's latest record (since its description most certainly follows suit with their other outputs).

This is going to be a bold statement… so seriously brace yourselves, kids… Kentucky's brashest of the brash, the mighty Lords, might have quite possibly bottled up and laid down a record that comes the closest to sonically delivering a glimpse at what it's like to be my alter-ego, Spleen Latifa. Meaning, if you were to take the tastes, the tendencies, the views, the traits, the ticks, the demeanor, and the all-around fuckedupedness meets righteousness, toss it into a blender set to violently mix, then dump said contents onto a vinyl copy of any Motorhead, MC5, or Stooges record, smooth out the mess, cauterize it to the wax disc with a crème brûlée torch, then pop that fucker onto your turntable cranked in double-time and turned it up to 11… Fuck all Y'all Motherfuckers is what you'd get.

It's all quite simple… this album fucking rips. It's been a little bit since an album so gritty and dirty has come along where I have a hard time figuring out if I should be pumping my fist and cussing out people I despise, viciously bashing my teeth in with a metal pipe, drinking hard and bangin' raw, or simply just shaking my ass a little bit while i listen to it. Cuz seriously, track after track on this glorious beacon of hope makes feel like doing all of the above.

From the incredible teeth-gritting one-liners that pull through above the nihilistic chaos ("It all looks like shit / because it really is", "That is why I don't give a fuck", "Everything I see, I wanna kill", etc) to the the raw, biting, and feedback/reverb-heavy production, this album is a straight up kick to the teeth… Fully living up to the most wonderful description ever: "Lords, from Louisville Kentucky, are like Black Flag and Black Sabbath getting into a fist fight at stonehenge." … I think I just peed a little.

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And that's just one album! Shit, their entire catalog is the aggressive audio equivalent of a meth and Jameson fueled barfight… And I'm talking real aggression. Knuckles splitting on cheekbones aggression… I don't mean your run-of-the-mill pussified dystopian fantasyland metal about bathing in blood with serpents or some shit, or that meathead karate-moshing faux-toughguy suburban brocore bullfuck. I'm talking about how one verse/riff by these maniacs can make you instantly fantasize about punching out a stranger cuz they walk too slow, kick in your TV and eat the glass, or just turn into a tornado of teeth and elbows in a crowded subway car… You know, the good shit.

So take whatever you're listening to right this second and drop a massive dump on it. Lords is better… Now enjoy their "slow" song called 'Man, Everything Sucks':

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