If you're anything like me, there are days when life gets you down in the dumps, and the only thing that could cheer you up is a toll free phone number where a computer voice recites the beat boxing portion of Korn's 1999 hit single "Freak on a Leash" on a loop forever. If this describes you, you know it's been a frustrating 16 years trying to slog through the day-to-day humiliations and drudgery of life without the soothing tones of a computer voice reciting the beat boxing part of "Freak on a Leash" on an infinite loop. But now is our time to rejoice! Someone has heard our cries to the heavens and answered our prayers!
The blessed savior who finally provided the sonic elixir to sooth our troubled souls is a man named Joe Veix. Veix is a humor writer who contributes to Death and Taxes, Gawker, The New Yorker, and is responsible for this depressingly accurate reaction to the failure of a grand jury to indict Darren Wilson for murder last year. But, more importantly, he just set up a toll free phone number that we unworthy peons can call 24 hours a day to hear a robot voice phonetically pronounce Jonathan Davis's beat boxing from "Freak on a Leash" ad infinitum. Oh happy day, oh happy day! Glory glory hallelujah! I know you're probably chomping at the bit to get this phone number entered into your smart phones, so, without further ado, here it is: 1-855-523-9386. Get dialing, my friends! It's toll free so call as often as you like for as long as you like. Da boom na da noom na namena GO!