tr00 and False: Mayhem Fest; At the Gates coming to US and more

It’s hard to be tr00. In this new Metal Injection feature, every week, the editors of MetalSucks.net, Axl Rosenberg and Vince Neilstein, will dissect the week’s stories and decide which stories are deemed worthy of the title “tr00″and admonish all posers who are false and upset the metal gods. Here are this week’s entries:

trOO

MAYHEM FEST
Mastodon, Machine Head, The Red Chord, Suicide Silence and Slipknot? We're there.

CAVALERA CONSPIRACY
The debut album from the new Sepultura semi-reunion leaked this week and, lo and behld, it's actually really, really good. So, uh, Mama Cavalera's vagina should be proud it spawned those two.

AT THE GATES
'Cause trusted MetalSucks sources tell us they're about to announce a U.S. tour, saving lots and lots fans the agony of having not being able to afford a trip across the pond this summer. And 'cause maybe we judged 'em a little too harshly last week.

THE DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN
Their new clip for the awesomely catchy "Milk Lizard" reminds us why we ever liked music videos in the first place. Which is not to say that we can actually understand what the fuck it's about. Still, guitarist Ben Weinman shot the damn thing with a broken foot. That's metal.

FALSE

MAYHEM FEST
Disturbed, Five Finger Death Punch, Black Tide and Slipknot? Actually, I think I'm having root canal surgery that day…

THE LAMB OF GOD FAN RE-MIX CONTEST
'Cause this re-mix of "Walk With Me in Hell" sucks really, really hard.

VAN CANTO
This band’s website (which I absolutely refuse to link to, discuss, or ever even look at again) describes them thusly: “Five singers, one drummer. No guitars, no bass, no keyboards but nevertheless an unbelievable melodic metal experience.” But we believe that they are, in fact, the absolute weakest fucking "band" in metal today, if not ever. Like metal wasn't dorky enough without bringing this shit into it. Sheesh.

THE PRETTY BOY FLOYD REUNION
Couldn't they just leave bad enough alone?

WHITE LION
Their new album title, Return of the Pride, features not only what we're fairly certain is pretty much the worst pun ever, but also also features album art that displays a desperate desire to seem "tr00." 'Cause apparently Pretty Boy Floyd getting back together wasn't fucktarded enough.