That stud machine of a man on the right is me, Greg Weeks, and I’m the bassist of the Red Chord. Want to ask me about my band, your band, or this new president of ours. Don’t hesitate to popup your mail program of choice and send me a question to askmeimright@metalinjection.net and I’ll be sure to respond with some life-changing advice.

deer greg:

my awesome question is two-fold:
one. what's the deal with you using a pick all the time?
seriously.
two. how old is gunface? it looks like he and some floozy conceived the rest of the band and formed a musical outfit with them.

-a dylan

Dear a dylan,
This is an advice column. I use a pick because I'm not a very good bass player. Gunface is as old as time itself and knows the secrets of the elder trees whose roots grow thick and deep into the earth. His mighty beard and hard eyes have seen the passing of ages. He has existed before you and will be alive long after we are all dust. Gunface is, forever,
-Greg

P.S. Gunface is 27

Yo, Greg! First off, I'd like to say: F**ing amazing show in Arizona! Now, on to my question. What do you think you'd be today if you hadn't picked up that bass and joined The Red Chord?

Rock on,
Gabe

Gabe,

Better off.

-Greg

(more…)

Hello again to all those who need advice. I've been gone for awhile but I'm back to irritate you once more with "Ask Me I'm Right". I'm also back to promote Traben basses who were kind enough to give me my own signature series bass . For more info go to Trabenbass.com . Enjoy. Don’t hesitate to popup your mail program of choice and send me a question to askmeimright@metalinjection.net and I’ll be sure to respond with some life-changing advice.

Hey Man,
I had to ask you…because you're right! Haha. Anyway, hi my name is Austin Beck, I've been playing metal/metalcore (damn i hate labels) for about 3 years now, not long at all, but I've been playing hard rock since I was 13. even in my early years I tried to do metal screams. Well, I've only just now got a hold of it, and I'm doing much better, I don't hurt my vocal chords, and people on YouTube seem to like my screams. But it seems, there aren't any good teachers for metal screaming…I've done my best at trying to teach screaming onYouTube, and I have gotten some awesome feedback, but I know there MUST be someone better suited to teach this. Do you have any advice?

I already bought both Zen of Screaming DVDs, and even though Melissa Cross has some great ideas for vocal warmups and helping you understand from an anatomical view…her scream has no power??? And no one in her DVDs screams like her…if you don't know which scream I'm talking about, it's that THING that sounds like Marge Simpson…I definitely respect Melissa Cross, but no one on stage uses that kind of scream unless they're doing super low growls.
But, if you do know any good metal scream teachers I'd love to know! Thank you so much for reading all this crap! lol.
-austin beck

Greg's response:
Austin,
Although the youtube community are enjoying your screams I think you need to venture out into the world of rock and talk to real people about your problem. Are there any bands in your area that have screamers? If their singer isn't a douche bag, good luck with that, then sit him down and ask him how he does it. I personally don't know any "screamers" but I do know some "moaners". I don't think they can help with your situation but I'll get you there numbers anyway.
-Greg

Hi,
There is a bully at school, and he KEEPS eating MY lunch! What should I do?

p.s. Are 7 string guitars metal?

Greg's response:
My good friend Gunface once had a co-worker who had his lunches stolen. He put ground up glass in his sandwich. His food was never stolen again. To answer your other question, did Jimmy Page play a seven string?
-Greg

Do you think this is cool - i mean apart from the crappy playing - i made it :p

Greg's response:
Thank you. I think it rules! We are also sorry for the crappy playing.
-Greg

Whatsup Greg,

First off i must say that you are one kickass funny dude. Second, I'm digging the epic beard. I must say though that I think I have you beat on that. Not only do I sport a badass epic beard myself, but I also happen to have one eye. Yep…one eye. I'll show it to you when i catch your next show. Do you think this will impress other awesome band members such as yourself?

P.S. I do NOT wear an eye patch.

-Andrew from Miami, FL

Greg's response:
Weird,
This is the second "one eyed" question I've received. Ummm… I'm excited about your beard and I'll be impressed only if you show up to our show dressed as a "one-eyed jack" and you play cards with me.
-Greg

Hi, my name is Mark and I would first like to say I am a rather big fan of your music. I have yet to see you live but I plan to the next time you hit up Iowa! *cough cough* Cedar Falls the Reverb *cough cough*. But anyways, I have to questions for you today. 1. Me and my friends have started a sludgegrind band and are looking at practice PA's and a bass amp *obv. for our bassist* and was wonderin if u had any suggestions for us. 2. We have been playing for about 2 months and our guitarist are "kind of" understanding eachother on how to write, but each of them still wants to play something the other dosent know and dosent blend at all. What would you say could help us with these problems?

thank you kinda sir
-Mark

Greg's response:
Kinda sir? I thought my doctor was the only one who knew that I was a hermie. You can find a cheap PA and Bass rig in your area I'm sure. Look through the want ads or Craig's list and steer clear of shifty music stores. The one good thing about your situation is that great bands like Television and Guns and Roses had guitar players that were doing completely different things at the same time. Try to use it to your advantage.
-Greg

About to do something regrettable but need that extra push? You can get advice from Greg Weeks. Just email askmeimright@metalinjection.net

That stud machine of a man is me, Greg Weeks, and I’m the bassist of the Red Chord. Want to ask me about my band, your band, or the ongoing crisis in the Middle East? Don’t hesitate to popup your mail program of choice and send me a question to askmeimright@metalinjection.net and I’ll be sure to respond with some life-changing advice.

I have an orphaned sock which I believe  may be Mikes. What should I do with it? See you next time you are in El Paso.

Greg's response:
Dear God woman. Back away from the sock. That man rarely changes his socks. It could be radioactive. It probably walked out of the van and into your house all by itself. I'd incinerate it. There's nothing more deadly than a Gunface sock.

Dear Greg,
I dont know if you remember me but I was right in front of you at the cannibal corpse concert october 3rd at the 930 club. Just to let you guys know you guys fucking killed it, you guys were by far the best band there (even though I had to leave after black dahlia because I told my grandmother I was going to the mall).I almost had my head fall off rocking out to you guys so much. I had the turqoise happy birthday!!! red chord shirt and I was right infront of you. And Guy put me on the spotlight which was very cool.  I'm sure you'll be interested to know I beat the shit out of that drunk heckler who thought you were the whole band and thought the rest of the band was shit. During the Black Black Dahlia set I was rocking out real hard to them and the dumbass was trying to take up my space up front. Then I was rocking out way harder than before(i n Black Dahlias set) and I guess the du mbass got jealous and grabbed my neck. Next thing the drunk bastard knows he gets his face pounded and thankfully for him a security guard came to his rescue and carried him out of the club and some fellow metalheads had to pull me away and calm me down. (And oh yea this all happened literally in front of Blach Dahlia Murder, I could see the singer and one guitar player watching it happen). Then I just went to the moshoit and whooped some ass and got ass whooping, and then had to leave after bdms set (cause it was kind of getting a little late to use that out to mall excuse). I have 3 questions for you:
1. Whats the best way for me to get to hang out backstage with you guys next time you come to DC?
2. How often do you get these hecklers on tour?
3. Do you think turqoise is my color?

p.s
be sure to tell Guy I whooped that Red Chord haters ass.

Greg's response:
This is a very long story sir. I actually liked the guy whose ass you kicked because he enjoyed me and no one else. Oh well, I guess he was a drunk idiot.
1. Have you seen backstage at the 9:30 club? I can barely "hang out" there. The best way to see us off stage is around the club or by the merch booth. We're rarely just backstage doing nothing. We're usually out and about.
2. We got heckled a lot on the Gwar tour. The best thing to do is heckler back in an intelligent way. Make the heckler look like an idiot and have everybody laugh at him and not you.
3. Yes.
By the way, I like the mall excuse.

Hi, gregg.
I have a friend who I'm starting to think is in love with me. I probably should have realized it sooner but, I'm kind of oblivious when it comes to signals and whatnot.
He's super nice to me but, I don't see us as anything more than good friends.
I feel like I'm leading him on.
What should I do? How do I let him down gently?

P.S.
My Grandpa is fascinated by the concept of 'ass-rashes'.

Greg's response:
Regina,
I love the avanteness of your question. It's shaped like bad poetry and I think it's great. In a lady man relationship there is usually one side that is attracted to the other side and it makes thing difficult to deal with on a friendship field. You should start talking about a dude that you're into. Throw him off the scent. He will be bummed but it's not your fault. He'll either get over it and you guys can be friends or he'll slip into years of depression and self loathing. You woman have no idea what powers you have over us. Good luck with that. Also, your grandfather sounds like a very intelligent man, ass-rashes….

hey Greg,

..you said you are always right so you best go getchu a tootsie pop…i recommend the blue wrapper. no cheating now. you can sit on the couch, watch some TV and stick the lollypop stick in your beard and just lick. you'll be done in no time..

Greg's response:
Hey Alli, I remember you. Thank you for the kind words. I guess we all look like we're enjoying ourselves because we love what we do. I hate when bands act tough on stage and then they're pussy cats off stage. Just be yourself and all that crap I guess. We were probably all smiles that night because it was our second to last show after a month and a half on the road. Onto your question. No one knows, not even me, how long it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop because we are all impatient ass holes that half to eventually bite it. As did that stupid owl. Go sox!

Dear Greg,
Since your last show I have found myself becoming less and less metal as the days wear on, I have only listened to your collective works (the red chord and beyond the sixth seal as far as i know) only twice this month. See the problem stems from a serious party foul i may have inadvertantly commited, I was in the pit and saw this dude fall into the crowd and i instictively went to pick him up, the only problem was he was already up and i grabbed his junk.  I wanted to ralf and it totally ruined an otherwise awesome night, I couldn't even stay for Cannibal Corpse i was so upset. Am I being overly hard on myself?  Or just too homophobic (I did wince at writing hard on)?  I come to the manliest man i know, humbly seeking advice from a near demigod of masculity on this delicate subject.
Please help
Afraid of Weiners in AZ

Greg's response:
Dear afraid,
This is the best question I think I've ever received. I needed a minute to  laugh for a bit before I could start typing. This question has really made my day. Woo! Well obviously you're gay. No amount of avoiding metal is going to help your case. I see many men in your future "pitting" it up with you. Hey man, once you accept this then and only then can you be happy with yourself. I wish you the best of luck and I hope next time around you'll introduce me to your new boyfriend. I hope his name is Sebastian. When I was in high school my friend and I went to see Maiden play. Fear Factory opened up and it was real cramped. My pal had his hands by his side and suddenly the crowd moved. I felt something touch my special parts downstairs. I yelled "I think you just touched my junk" real loud just as the song ended. Everyone heard it and turned to look. You should date my friend.

About to do something regrettable  but need that extra push? You can get advice from Greg Weeks. Just email askmeimright@metalinjection.net

Hey there people. I'm back and it's time for more questions and answers. Hopefully my advice will take you on a journey to a far off land and we'll never hear from you again.

If I rub rogaine on my face will I prodice a tight ass beard like yours?

Greg's response:
Maybe. You could always take the existing hair from your "tight ass" and transfer it to your face. Your beard might smell like shit but at least you'll look cool.

is my band any good?????? www.myspace.com/corcid
stupid question……… of course we are good!

Greg's response:
No, you are not good. I didn't even go the myspace page but I did put up the link so everyone else can rip you apart for being such a noodle head.

dearest greg… balazs from buda fukken pest here. i have a major problem. ok. i have lots of them, but one of them you can help, the other problems need medication… i have 665 friends on myspace. would you be so kind to go to www.myspace.com/ballsack and add me, and being my 666th friend?

Greg's response:
Balazs, you are my hero. If I had a myspace account I would be all 666 of you friends. That's how much I love you, see in Dec.

Hey Greg,names John.  Trying to get a project off the ground.Weve come to a couple conclusions…we could..
1: Save and buy the means to mix and produce our own album/merch or…
2:Pay money for it to be recorded and mixed by a known name(like eric rutan)and shop for labels after a round of venues.
I think the former holds more value,while it may be pricier.It would also make show a higher return I think.
Your thoughts?

thanks again,
John

Greg's response:
John,
If you have the money then definitely go to a credible studio and have you record done there. If there is any return to get it will be quicker that way. Remember this: no one buys records anymore so if you get signed, even if you have a self-funded record, you'll owe the label for advertising and pressing the record and a slew of other stuff. Focus on having great merch designs and getting on great tours. A credible studio that is reasonably priced is Jonny Fay's studio. It called back yard studios. Look it up.

So, I'm 100% metal, right? And I bought this band shirt (Anaal Nathrakh) but it's red, not black. Should I still wear it? Only black shirts are metal.
-sesquipedalian
ps In a beard fight between you and Kerry King, who would win?

Greg's response:
A red shirt? A red fucking shirt? You make me sick! You call yourself metal and you willingly bought a red shirt? I banish you to heaven! You are no heathen sir. Go form a boy band. I wouldn't be caught dead in anything but a black shirt. I would win in a beard fight because my face is like a brillo pad. He'd win in a stupid head tattoo fight.

hey,
ive recently had the urge to get into music and wanna play bass b/c i have some friends that play guitar and my bro plays drums.so we decided it would be really cool to get a band going. so i was wondering, seein as u do play bass, if there is any advice, as a bassist and as someone that is in a band and knows the whole touring aspect of life and production, that u could give me and my friends?
M.G.

Greg's response:
You sound very enthusiastic about this and that is good. My advice is to not worry too much yet about touring or production. You should work long and hard at writing songs and learning your instrument. There has to be someone you know who can play guitar or bass that can give you the basics. If not grab a bass book and study it all the time. After that you should worry about recording and touring. Good luck and have fun with it.

Do you need advice and just don’t know where to turn? Greg Weeks is there for you. Send your questions to askmeimright@metalinjection.net

Hey, it’s me G. Dubs, low end of the prog rock tri the Red Chord. You asked advice/stupid questions about my band and I gave it/answered them. Here’s some advice, go get Prey for Eyes in stores now. Yeah!

Hey! I don't know if you remember, but I talked to you after your last San Antonio, TX show at The White Rabbit. You said that you had an infatuation with ice cream, so I was just wondering… What's your favorite flavor?!  =)

-cha cha… BOOM!

Greg's response
This isn't an advice question but I'll answer it because I do have an addiction. Mint chocolate chip is my favorite. Breyers' or Ben and Jerry's "Mint chocolate chunk" which is finally available in stores ranks high on my list. I do like to visit creamery's to get the ice cream right from the source though. I suggest to anyone with an obsession for the "cream" to look up local creamery's, see if they have ice cream and go eat it. Also, I suggest to everybody who comes to my shows, bring me ice cream or better yet, take me out to ice cream.
-Greg

who was the original singer to acdc

Greg's response
Here's my advice: Google it.

Dear Esteemed Mr. Weeks,
I have this girl that ive been dating for about two weeks. And im looking to romance her something fierce. Would it be a bad idea for our first time if i began shreiking like a banshee in an attempt to make her giggle? Or should i wait until were more comfortable with one another?

Sincerely,
Lance Manly

Greg's response
Dear Mr. Manly,
I have a sneaking suspicion that if you want to make her giggle all you'll have to do is take off your pants. Good luck buddy,
-Greg

I've noticed something, a new trend that reeks of utter lameness.  How the hell, did band such as these fools like "Job For A Cowboy" or even better my favorite haha "The Black Dahlia Silence aka Suicide Silence" even come around in the scene?  Seriously, Prey For Eyes kills anything those two horrible knockjobs could ever imagine putting out haha.  Oh and congrats, on Brad being a natural underrated metal drummer.  Seriously, no triggers and all around natural drumming.  I gotta give props to the SNOB crew, TRC, BTBAM, BDM, and ALOL for not being a bunch of bree bree, tight pants wearing, breakdown after breakdown unoriginal fools.  Anyway hope to see you August 7th, with Between the Buried and Me and Cephalic Carnage.  Quite possibly three of my favorite bands playing together in one night!! Keep up the great work - Jack(The dude who you see at the Ottobar with the O's hat). :-D

Greg's response
The snob crew appreciates the props Jack. Let's see if we can't change that to a Sox hat, huh Jack?
-Greg

so I'd like to start by saying I just saw you guys for the fourth time (Portland Maine) and it totally annihilated my brain!!! the red chord is by far my favorite band, you aren't like anyone else, and your not afraid to be yourselves and that's what its really all about, not that macho I play in a metal band so ill kick your ass and rape all your pets bullshit.
but anyway you might actually remember me, my name is Joel and I made the one and only "keep it wolf" hat witch totally dominates and would gladly eat any other hat.
but I guess that my real question is do you think that we all have one calling that some people spend there whole lives looking for and some people find at an early age, like take job for a cowboy as an example, that are a really dominating metal band and there all under the age of 21, and then there is some people who don't realize what they want until they are on their death bed, like my step-father.
I don't know man I'm just looking in all kinds of places for some kind of an answer, because I love metal, and I really feel like im going to be some one important in the metal scene some day, like running the next metal blade records or being in the a band that's a group of innovators like the red chord or something, I don't know, but at the same time I feel the need to do things that keep my family at bay and off my back about what im doing with my life, keep them thinking that I always have a gameplan. often times I refer to metal as breakfast because its the first thing I do in the morning is pop in a cd, and just shit like that. I often wonder if other metal heads do some of the same things I do.

but hey thanks for listening and I cant wait for some input, hopefully you'll send me a real e-mail and not just some generic "yes or no or only on days that end in y" answer.
can't wait until the next time you guys are in new england.
take it easy.
keep it wolf and keep it heavy

Greg's response
Sorry about your brain. Of course I remember you. The hat is amazing and the Red Chord does love gifts. I would say this, if you love this type of music and you want to work in or around it then go for it. You'll probably barely be able to pay your bills or keep a steady relationship but you'll be doing what you love. I'm not sure if people are drawn to certain things because it's their destiny but I do know there are two paths you can take in life. The secure one, get a job you might hate but you'll be making a good living, or the life where you do what you want and deal with the consequences. Good luck Joel and we'll see you soon,
-Greg

So, concerning a quote by Gunface in the 1st production vid/update for Prey For Eyes, why IS johnny fay such a fuck-up?

Greg's response
The list is too extensive to get into here. I'm just glad that our friends at metal injection will show the video that you speak of and countless others proving that Jonny Fay fucks up all the time. To get down to the real issues that lurk behind Mr. Fay's brain I suggest booking time at his studio. Backyard studios. Good luck with your research.

-Greg

PS- Jonny Fay is also a terrible person.

are we related? my name is jordan weeks…i can only hope so. but i doubt it. im from nc. hit me back or some shit

Greg's response
I met Jordan here at a recent show we did in NC. He is not related to me. He did act like we were though and asked to borrow "a couple of bucks". He was going on about how he needed the money to get his car out of the tow yard and then some girl he was with stumbled all over the place and I darted out of there before he could get the blood sample he wanted to prove that we were related and to try and prove that I fathered six of that girls eleven children. The truth is I didn't want to give him money and I only fathered three of them,
-Greg

This is more of an issue of morality than anything else.
Let me explain the situation. I just shaved off my beard, literally, I still have shaving cream on my left ear. Now I feel naked, cold and vulnerable. I can always grow a new one, but I want it now. So… Would it be wrong to trade a homeless guy a bottle of wine for his beard?
-Robert

Greg's response
Amazing! Do it now and use wood glue to paste in on. Make it look as crappy as it can be and then send me a picture so I can laugh at your misfortune, the homeless guys misfortune and the bottle of wine's misfortune.
-Greg

Hey, it’s me G. Dubs, low end of the prog rock tri the Red Chord. You asked advice/stupid questions about my band and I gave it/answered them. Here’s some advice, go get Prey for Eyes in stores now. Yeah!

Dear Greg,
I worship the ground you walk on. Seeing you on stage manhandling that big, thick bass of yours gets me sooooo wet. I can't wait to see you at your next show so we can "get to know eachother". Anyway, here's my question. All the girls I know have got their periods already but I haven't gotten mine. Is there something wrong with me? Am I a freak? When do girls normally get their periods? I just want to be like all the other girls.
- Love Josh

Greg's response:
Dear Josh,
The answer is yes, you are a freak. Good luck buddy,
-Greg

Greg… I LOVE YOU!
here is my question…
How does such a titan of a man have time to maintain such an epic beard? Do you hit it with a mystical shampoo made from a combination of unicorn tears and the blood of angels? and, How does it make you feel being that you are one of the few that are easily recognized for his facial hair status, not only TRC fame?

much love,
Ray Chaos
Full Blown Chaos

Greg's response:
Amazing! Although there are no unicorn tears needed you do need a cup of angel blood. Step one to a great beard is to wake up screaming. Step two is throw a cup of angels blood on your neighbors front porch. Step three is to go back to your house and blare any of the great Full Blown Chaos records at full blast. After this one will see a faster growing thicker face coat. Much thanks Ray,
-Greg
PS- Go get FULL BLOWN CHOAS's new record "Heavy Lies The Crown" out Aug 21st sucka!

I hacked my friends page and said he is a fag do you think he hates me now?

Greg's response:
Huh. If it were me I'd be mad that you have no creativity when it comes to insults. Fag? If that's all you have to offer pal I'm sure he didn't mind too much.

Dearest Gregory,
Hey, did you guys find a new guitarist? if so. when will you tell the general public? And also, my mom kicked me out of the house because i got high and ate all the meat in the house. literally. all of it. you need to come up here and teach the wench a lesson! that massive meat intake put some hair on my chest too.

congratulations on beating testicular cancer!
-keenan

(can you slap? like. vic wooten. slap bass?)

Greg's response:
Yikes. We did find a replacement for Jonny Fay and his name is Keller. He is a 16 year old prodigy from Cali. He's not allowed to say Hella when he is in Mass. If you ate all of the delicious steaks and burgs at my place I'd kick you out too. Your Mom and I have a lot in common you little hairy chested meat eatin' punk. Thanks for the congrats although I never knew I had testicular caner let alone that I had beaten it. Good for me,
-Greg

hey man, huge fan–anyway i have this girlfriend i've been dating for a good while now, and all of a sudden some fuckin' jerk-offs are moving in on my kill, getting her number from other friends and creepin' on her like they don't know i exist. i guess they're sayin' some ridiculous shit but that woman of mine is too afraid to tell me what they say. i told her it didn't matter because i'm going to destroy them anyway. what should i do about these hyenas? - Dr. Henry Longshanks

Greg's response:
Dr. Longshanks,
First off I'd like to point out what a lucky girl, I mean kill, you have. You sound like a real Prince Charming so I'm sure you can rescue her from any situation including destroying these jerk-off hyenas. If she likes you then there's nothing to worry about. Calm down and take her out to a flick and some ice cream and don't make her pay.

-Greg

Dear Greg,
I'm madly in love with my friend, Greg. He's a super amazing dude with a gross beard, and is bassist for an awesome band, The Red Chord. He's marrying one of my other best friends. Do you think I should flee to Canada to avoid the heartache? Or return to Boston to convince the two of them to marry me also in an elaborate polygamist ceremony? Wait… I've already fled to Canada. Anyhoo, please advice.
xoxo Kage the Rage

Greg's advice:

This Greg guy sounds handsome. Like any male I'd give you this advice. Go to Boston and try to convince his future wife to let him marry a ton of hot chicks as well as her. That about covers it,
-Greg

Do you need advice and just don't know where to turn? Greg Weeks is there for you. Send your questions to askmeimright@metalinjection.net

Here I am. Greg Weeks from The Red Chord is around to answer your questions no matter how dim-witted or irritating they are. I also play bass in Beyond the Sixth Seal. Go get their record "The Resurrection of Everything Tough" out now on Metal Blade, if you want.

Question:is anus the only vagina?

Greg's response:
Do you people see what I have to deal with. Ahhh… No, the vagina is the only vagina, the anus is for birthdays and anniversary's.
-Greg

So I had a listen to the fresh track off the smokin new album, and it sounded to my untrained ears as though the bass drum was recorded with a mic instead of triggers?  Is this true?  If so, my hat's off to you guys along with Between the Buried and Me and the Black Dahlia Murder.  I'm getting tired of seeing shitty drummers with triggers just tapping their Axis longboards as fast as possible without making any sound worthy of having balls.  If this is a triggered sound that just happens to sound really authentic, then my hat is off to you for at least not sounding like Job For a Cowboy or Kataklysm (as much as I like them) with really fake sounding triggered drums.
Ben from them Twin Cities (MN)

Greg's response:
I like that… fresh and smokin'. It's true, the great Bradley Fick does not use triggers nor should he. I'm not a huge fan of triggers and I am lucky enough to be in a band with a super talented drummer who does not need them. If we just curb his addiction to Taco Bell he would in fact be "The" perfect drummer. Oh Brad,
-Greg

hey, I'm Logan from Iowa, that kid with that pants… I always forget to ask you this… What are some of your favorite bands?

Greg's response:
So this is not too awkward let me explain. Whenever we play Iowa young Logan comes out and stands in the front row with these snake skin pants. It rules. Instead of me listing of my favorite bands how about if I give you some advice. Get more pants! Not different ones, more of the ones you have. They rule. Also, if you want the plastic ones that I wore in your honor just let me know. They're yours,
-Greg

Is it true that Gunface is both horrible at bowling and a loser at poker? Thanks for your time and hope to hear from you soon
-Dave Witte

Greg's response:
Ah, Dave Witte, a God amongst men. It is very true. You see, Mike is one of the greatest guitar players in metal right now and in order for that to happen he had to sacrifice other things like poker skills and hygiene. By the way, I'm sure you've all heard of Dave's band Municipal Waste right? Go get their new record "The Art of Partying" available now. It's better than your bands record. Love ya Dave,
-Greg

Hey, it's me G. Dubs, low end of the prog rock tri the Red Chord. You asked advice/stupid questions about my band and I gave it/answered them. Here's some advice, go get Prey for Eyes July 24th. Yeah!

Hio Greg,
 
Yeah, what's your theory on "evolution", do you think life exists on other planets besides earth? If so, what "source" do we derive from??
-Brandon

Greg's response:
You're making my brain hurt Brandon. Well, the scientists say that we come from apes. I have a tail bone, I'll buy it. The Christians say we come from a man who was made out of clay and a lady who was made from his rib. OK….. I have ribs, I guess I'll buy that. Bottom line, we're here. You and I are alive right now and who cares where we came from. Let's stop thinking about it and enjoy right now. Put on a Burt Bacharach CD, dim the lights and sing aloud until your neighbors complain!!!
-Greg

PS- We derive from Rock N' Roll.

I'm 15 and I play in a weird metal/punk/ska/classical/prog band.  But besides that I can't find a job.  Where do I go to find a job at the young age I am?  Also when are you anouncing the results for that contest at Interpunk?
-chris

Greg's response:
Chris,
You are genre defining. Contest schmontest. I'm the bass player, they don't tell me a damn thing. About the job. At fifteen I was onto my third job. I was a stock boy at the now defunct Caldors here in Massachusetts and also, when summer time hit I was mowing lawns. Make your Mom and Pops drive you around to stores in the area. All stores need little teens they can yell at and push around and they'll do just that. Don't worry about it though, it'll help build character and eventually you'll move onto bigger ands better things and years later you can visit the store and laugh at those who still work there. I guarantee you they'll still be there. Good luck,
-Greg

Why the hell isn't Aeon playing when you come back to Florida with Cannibal Corpse? THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR ISSUE, MAAAANNNN????

On a less accusitory note, did my pinky finger really taste like chicken when it proceeded to get planted in your throat at your show here (Backbooth on the 10th)?
Should I apply gravy when you come back?
And what the hell happened to everyone's mustache?

Sincerely (and awkwardly) yours,
-JJ

Awkward, huh, you don't say. I remember you. You're the one who gave the horns as I head banged which led to me chewing on your finger. Yes, it did taste like chicken and no, do not apply gravy next time. You can, however, take me out to Tijuana Flats instead. We only do mustaches on certain tours and some of us, the less manly members, don't do them at all.
-Greg
PS- I personally told Aeon not to play those shows because I knew it would piss you off. Sucka!!!

hey greg, how's life?
                Unfortunately mine is a bit troubled. I've played guitar for nearly 5 years now and needless to say, im amazing. But as i  grew and my musical interests have matured, i found myself enjoying those thumpin' lines coming out of Bootsy, Vic Wooton, Flea, and Les Claypool and others that clearly understand the concecpt behind grooving. So i didnt do any drugs for awhile and managed to buy a P bass for 80 buks and given my prior experience with the guitar, i learned to play it no problem. Unfortunately though, the ability to play really fast has kind of restricted me to only being able to jam, well, really fast and i don't feel that i've been able to really play it in its traditional and effective role. And after seeing you play live, it was clear that you are pretty knowledgable of all things groovy. So what kind of practice regeem could i focus my life around to jam so effortlessly? Am i hopeless? What allows you to do this? Any help would be greatly apprecciated.
 
                        Bass noob,
                          Tom

Tom,

By the sounds of it you don't need any ones help. I mean you're an amazing guitar player and you easily mastered the bass in a short span of time. Why not conquer drums or the sousaphone? My practice regime consists of sleeping, eating ice cream and listening to Millie Jackson's "Caught Up". I never pick up my instrument until I've followed these steps and know that the funk is flowing inside of me. You gots ta feel it Tom. No book or drug will teach you that. To answer your first question, my life's pretty all right.
-Greg

—–

Got a life issue and can't find that suicide hotline number? Need some tips on how to be an awesome bassist? Then submit your questions to Greg Weeks by e-mailing askmeimright@metalinjection.net

That stud machine of a man is me, Greg Weeks, and I'm the bassist of the Red Chord. Want to ask me about my band, your band, or the ongoing crisis in the Middle East? Don't hesitate to popup your mail program of choice and send me a question to askmeimright@metalinjection.net and I'll be sure to respond with some life-changing advice.

dude why is the red chord the most amazing/brutal band ever? and dont say you arent cuz that is bullshit and you know it :P
-Ethan & Co.

Greg's response:
We aren't.

Dear Greg,
Everyone's already said this, but man you fuckin rule! So does your band (which I will be seeing play in Detroit and London Ontario within the next few weeks). So my question involves writers block. I find that at band practice I have a hard time coming up with good riffs for my metal band at practice which leads to huge fustration and wasted time at practice. What do you find that works for situations like these? Thanks man, you're awesome!
TRC fan for life,
Ken Cardoso

Greg's response:
Do what comes naturally. If metal riffs are hard to come by but smooth jazz or afro-cuban dub beats are flowing out of every pore, than go with it. Metal's lame anyway. See you in Detroit/Ontario.

Greg:
You provide the mad bass notes that bring The Red Chord and Beyond the Sixth Seal's sounds to holy completion, and yet I think in the eyes of the fans you are still largely living in McKenzie's shadow. I think what you need in order to take over the spotlight is a cool nickname and catchphrase like "Gunface" and "Keep it wolf." Unfortunately you don't have a cable access show or hairy-assed back to draw from, so you'll have to use some creativity. What nickname and catchphrase would you like to use to launch your campaign? I will help you get it started through the viral power of Internet meme.

Also, is it true that the song Faceless is about your and Mike's child murdering hobby?

Brandon

Greg's response:
After much thought I've come up with the cool nickname "Bareback" because I'm less hairy than Mike and my catch phrase will be "I'm a bottom" because I play the bass. I think I'll have way more fans and get out of that jerk Mike's shadow.

I'm 19, I graduated high school and I've already dropped out of two colleges. I'm thinking of taking a year long computer networking course..but I'm not sure. Tell me, what should I do with my life?

Greg's response:
Quit fuckin around! If you really want an education buckle down and study. Get the shit done. There will be plenty of time to do whatever it was that made you drop out after you graduate. You're young. Take it from an old piece of crap like me. If you don't go back to school get a great job, save up and move out. Kick back and enjoy your new pad. Invite the ladies over and impress them with your freedom. Then, breakdance!
Submit your questions to askmeimright@metalinjection.net… click here for the ASK ME, I'M RIGHT archives

That's Greg Weeks, he's the bassist of the wildly popular group, THE RED CHORD. He is quite knowledgeable about many things, if you ask him, he'd say he's knowledgeable about everything. So much so, that he wants to share his infinite amounts of knowledge with all the Metal Injection junkies. Submit all your questions to Greg by emailing him at askmeimright@metalinjection.net

Here are some previous entries where Greg dropped some knowledge on some unsuspecting fools:

Well, im going around asking any band I come across how they got signed. Whats the story with you guys? Was it a hook up, luck or all the sex guy had with the record executives? I mean, it has to be hard for an all gay band to get signed lol. nah, seriously, howd you guys go about it all.
-lester

Greg’s response:
First off, my band has no sexual orintation to speak of and secondly, all you have to do is convince a label that you’re worth something. They need a reason to put you out. Prove, through an amazing live show or a great demo, that you’re worth their time. Speaking of demos, make sure yours sounds great. Take the time to make sure it sounds like a real recording. Also, were you asking about how gay bands get signed because you and your friends are gay and in a band looking to get signed? Just wondering.

dear greg,

first off you are all that is awesomeness! and i bet you get laid more than
gene simmons (zat faggot)! here’s my problem:

i am a drummer in 2 bands currently, one deathcore and one melodic metal. i
have been in the melodic band for 2 months and i just recently joined the
dethcore one. the deathcore band thinks it’s ok to be in 2 bands, but the
melodic band’s guitarist thinks that i will eventually quit one because of
conflicting practice time. what do you think?

-metal mike

Greg’s response:

Metal Mike,

Here’s the deal, you’ve got so much rock in you that you need two bands. Anytime you can find different styles of music to play I suggest you do it. Your guitar player might just be bummed that he only has one band. I constantly have a bunch of projects going on even though I’m in The Red Chord. Now to address the getting laid thing. A couple of years ago I decided I needed to focus more on the rock. To do this I needed to alleviate myself from any outside distractions, mainly the ladies. I had my penis removed and since then all I can think of is the rock. Let’s kick it!

-Greg

I have a sweet ass mustache but my lady friend wants me to shave it. I dont know what to do. Break up with her or lose my mojo?
Nosebleeds and psychobabble~

Greg’s response:
Nosebleeds and psychobabble, cute, real cute. Here’s a question for you. Do you think Tom Selleck ever had a lady tell him what to do? He’s Magnum “Fuckin’” P.I., of course he didn’t. Case closed.

-Greg

Want more of Greg's knowledge? Check out the Ask Me, I'm Right Archives. And, submit your problems to Greg and he'll solve them with his extra-large vocabulary. E-mail askmeimright@metalinjection.net

Greg Weeks is not only the basisst of one of the coolest, heaviest bands on the scene right now, THE RED CHORD, but he also talks a lot. Greg will help you with any and all your problems. This ain't your mommy's advice column. Greg will answer questions on any and ALL topics, so don't hesitate to ask. To submit questions, send an e-mail to askmeimright@metalinjection.net. Here is the latest edition:

Hello Sir,
My name is King Awesome and I am one of your biggest fans.
The Red Chord,Rollins Band and Deep Banana Blackout are my favoritest bands of all time.
The Thunderous Jams that come from your 4 stringed guitar thingy,make me feel funny and righteous in the front of my pants,and that sweet low end has on more than one occasion made me do poopy.
The reason I'm writing is this.
I want to start a kick ass metal band like you guys,but everyone in my stupid town likes rap (or as I call it Crap hahaha) or Ryan Cabrera or anything Lilith Fair Related. And even worse!!!!!! Beards are not tolerated here!
The direction I'm going for is a cross between The Red Chord,Starland Vocal Band and Newer METALLICA.
What do you think i should do?

-King Awesome
New Haven CT

King,

I hear you man, bad music is taking over. I advise you to slap anyone of your friends lisyening to Ryan Cabrera immediately! Grow your beard with a fierceness known only to the Gods and call me because I will form a later Metallica cover band with you in a heartbeat. we'll call it "The Invisible Kids"

-Greg (The Czar of All That is Awesome)

First, hello Greg.
Next, are there any homoerotic subliminal messages containted within the Dragon design hoodie?
Alright, down to business; what do you think should be the proper etiquette for someone being given the mic at a show, if they don't know the words? Should they scream incoherently and pretend they're not a tool, try passing it on to somebody else, or come up with some other solution?
This may or may not have happened last Wednesday at a Red Chord show.
Oh, another thing, what do you suggest I do if some random asshole bites me at a show, which also may or may not have happened at said Red Chord show?
Ooh, a final question, and one that has plagued me for a week or so, that I also may or may not have meant to ask Guy Kozowyk at a Red Chord show last week, but may or may not have forgotten to; how do guys in bands manage to not stink while on tour? I've taken road trips before, and seriously, a hot car full of man stink is not where you want to be. Band people do this for months at a time, without always having adequate facilities to cleanse themselves, and never seem to have offensive odors about them at shows. I plan on being in the business, so this actually is an advice question, and not a band question; a trick of the trade type thing.
Oh, okay; a fourth, and I promise, final question. Not advice oriented, just an opinion thing. Do you think people in the front row of shows have the right to kidney punch or otherwise harm crowdsurfers? I'm always up front at shows, and I almost always get hit in the head with people's disgusting shoes and whatnot. Am I justified in punching them in the side, or is it one of those, "comes with the territory" things?

Thanks for your time and assured hilarious responses,
xPhillipx

Holy Christ pal,
I had to take notes on this question because I forgot what it was about by the time I finished it. I'm a very busy man you know so consider yourself lucky that I even pretended to read you question. Here we go:
1. In general Dragons look like dicks with wings.
2. When given the mic you must always, ALWAYS, sing lounge style along with the song no matter what type of band it is.
3. Around the second or third day of tour every band, except the girlie princess man bands, smell like the inside of an asshole that was filled with rotten eggs, spinach dip, a fart and David Crosby's old liver.
4. They're just trying to have and so are you. Punch 'em, what do I care.
Hope that covers everything. Enjoy your new years,
-Greg
(more…)

Dear Greg,My name is Briton and im a Student at NAU University in Flagstaff AZ. I
recently took a second job as co-host at the campus radio station doing a
metal show. What are some of the most annoying question you or someone you
know have been asked during an interview. So that i dont make the same
mistakes.

Briton Tarter

Greg's response:
First off that's a GREAT name. I mean it really is great, Briton. Sorry. Here's what you do. This may come as a surprise to some but most "musicians" love to talk about… themselves. Weird, I know. Ask them about the last book they read so they can answer, "Tuesdays with Maury" or something else that they think will make them look smarter. Move onto "What's a typical day in the life of…(place crappy band here). They'll go on for hours and hours about either how tough their day is being so political and no one understands, yadda yadda, or how much partying they do and how cool coke and chicks are. By the way, the bands that brag about it the most get the least. Other than that try to stay away from the "where did you get the band name" "How did you meet" and that sort of stuff. Bands are asked that all the time. We've ended up just lying at any repeat questions. At this point you can usually weed out the dick heads and rock stars and ask down to earth questions about home life and current bands the interviewey is into. Throw them a question you think no one has asked before that is not related to the band or band name. That is not clever. Good luck and come out to the AZ show.
-Greg

okay i know you probably get this alot, but Aiden is my FAVORITE band in the world…..its like….u know when you get that anxious/happy/ecstatic feeling in your heart when u hear a song…well that is how Aiden makes me feel all of the time…..i want to get backstage and meet them and get an autograph…but i have NO idea how to ……and how much it costs and all that stuff…..i have been a fan of Aiden since well FOREVER….and i am dying to meet them…i ALMOST met them at Warped Tour 2006 but the heat got unbearable and they had to go back to the bus……and it would mean alot to me if i could but a backstage pass and meet them….i am currently 14 and my name is Brianna…..please if you could tell me how to get a backstage pass and all that stuff before November 25 when im going to see them…that would be AWESOME!!! thank you so much!!
Greg's response:

HA HA HA! oh man! Even if this is a joke it's the best advice question ever. Brianna, I'm not sure who you think I am but on Nov. 25th I'm going to be in Dallas, TX at the Gypsy Tea Room with GWAR and Municiple Waste ( Come out and see the show). And as for the Aiden guys, I've never met them in my entire life. I've never even heard their band. I'm sure it was the heat that was exhausting them and not the eyeliner. Anyways, this question made me laugh my ass off even if a 30 year old jokester who probably still lives with his mom wrote it. Aiden, that rules.

-Greg